Nobody Wants to Hire Me, Norma

mental health amongst african americanToday, I want to talk about Mental Health.¬† Now, I am no expert in this subject and had to do extensive research so don’t shoot the messenger. ūüôā Today’s topic is stemming from Tyrese and his recent appearance in the news. To make a long story short, or at least try to make a long story short,¬† Tyrese has been in legal battles with his ex-wife Norma over their 10 year old daughter.¬† Tyrese has recently decided to be intimate with social media and air all of his business out.¬† Now I am a firm believer in keeping your private life off of social media, especially things that should not be put out there, this is one of them.¬† Last month, TheShadeRoom posted that a video that showed what appeared to be a plane flying with a banner that read “No matter what, Daddy loves you Shayla” over his daughter’s school the day she was supposed to testify against him.¬† Now pause for a second, I am no lawyer or person who has an interest in law, but isn’t that like bribery or something a long those line, attempting to threaten the witness? Anywho, the most recent outburst from Tyrese was a video were he cried and pleaded with the mother of his daughter, his friends, and whoever else would listen, “Don’t take my baby, please don’t take my baby” while wearing and consistently putting the camera on his “Shayla Rocks” hoodie.¬† This past Monday, he posted another post on Instagram where he shared that Jada and Will Smith had given him $5 million with the caption “[…] You guys have asked me to get off and stay off the Internet now that my daughters legal fees will be paid ! will listen…” all while still airing out personal information.

The topic recently has been on Tyrese’s mental health. Is he just seeking attention because he hasn’t been in the spotlight as much recently or should we really be paying attention to his mental health? In September, his ex-wife told People that the singer was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder.¬† Things going on with the Fast and the Furious movie, legal issues with his daughter, allegedly not having money and any other issues could probably hit a few triggers for Tyrese and could be the cause of his recent outbursts.¬† Mental Health is real and it is especially real amongst African Americans.¬† I think it is always so crazy and disgusting when we try to downplay it as something else.¬† I remember back in February, I felt like maybe I was stressed and depressed, however I began to downplay it as just PMSing.¬† But I was always crying, stressed, and even began to start losing hair, but I never wanted to go to the doctors to get an appropriate analysis. According to KultureHub, from 2014-2015, only 9 percent of Black Americans voluntarily sought out psychological help according to a study conducted by National Institute of Mental Health, which is also why African Americans are 20% likely to experience serious mental health problems than the general population.¬† All in all, I just want to know where is Tyrese’s publicst, manager, friends, family to take any his phone and get him the help that he needs?

Below are tips and information about Mental Health within the African American community:

Common Mental Health Disorders among African Americans include:

  • Major DEPRESSION
  • Attention deficit hyperactivity disorder
  • Suice (among Young African American men)
  • Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), because African Americans are more likely to be victims of violent crimes)

Different Reasons as to Why African Americans do not seek treatment and receiving quality care:

  • Lack of information and misunderstanding: African Americans think that having a mental illness is a personal weakness and associate shame and stigma with such conditions
  • Faith, spirituality and community: African Americans tend to turn to faith, family and social communities as opposed to health care professionals
  • Reluctance and Inability to Access Mental Health Services: Misdiagnoses, inadequate treatment and lack of culture competence by health professionals and socio-economic factors are apart of reason why African Americans do not seek treatment
  • Medication: African Americans metabolize medication a lot slower than the general population

Basically, as someone who realizes the stigma of mental illness in the African American community, if you ever feel like you have depression, ADHD, feel suicidal, or have PTSD please seek help immediately. 800-662-HELP (4357) National Treatment Referral Helpline.

 

 

 

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James St. Patrick

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According to urbandictionary.com, ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication with someone the subject is dating, but no longer wishes to date. ¬†This is done in hopes that the ghost will just “get the hint” and leave the subject alone, as opposed to the subject simply telling them he/she is no longer interested.

Have you ever been ghosted and/or ghosted someone? If so, why? What would have done differently? What was the outcome?

I have ghosted a couple of people before, but I have only been ghosted once so I’ll start with how I’ve been ghosted before story. Back in 2014, I was talking to this guy from March to October. To make an extremely long story, short. I was not the only girl he was talking to. He was talking to a couple of other girls, but he had a main girl that he really liked and than there was me the side girl that he really liked as well. One random as weekend in September, I remember we were having a conversation and he randomly just stopped texting me in the middle of conversation. I remember I text him the next day about two times and then the following day another couple of times and literally got nothing in return. I felt a little stupid, but when you like someone and you want it, you fight for it right? Anyway, a couple of days pass by and I still hadn’t heard from him so I text him again and I simply said, “Hey.” And this nigga had the audacity to text me back and be like, “What’s up?” Like he ain’t just ignore me for the past week. I basically text him back asking what was up and why he hadn’t been talking to me and he text me back and said, “I’m going through some things and just want to be left alone.” I think until this day, that text has stung the worst out of all of the text messages I have ever received. ¬†It’s finally because a week later after not talking or seeing each other, I saw him at a party and we like had this moment of “Damn I miss you” and we hugged for a minute and we started talking again for about two weeks before the nigga ghosted me yet AGAIN. After he ghosted me, I really wanted some answers as to what was going on and why he was ghosting me and how we ended up in this position in the first place. ¬†I’m crazy and still don’t know why I did this until this day, however the girl that was like his “main” girl, we followed each other on Instagram and I DM’d her and was like, “Hey, here’s my number. Text me.” She texted me immediately and I literally was like, “Can we meet up and talk. I know there are some things that you have questions about and there are some things that I have questions about.” We literally met up about two hours later and had an hour long conversation about him and her and him and I. Basically, he wanted to leave me alone but didn’t know how too because he genuinely had feelings for me and the only way he knew how to was to ignore my ass. After talking to her and her telling me that she had been telling him that he needs to leave me alone or else she was going to call me and tell me wtf was going on. I thought back on it and was thinking about how he’d text me several times to tell me that “he had something to tell” but everything I would ask what it was, he simply say, “Nevermind” or “You’re not ready, so I’ll tell you a different time.”

After talking with the girl and realizing that I was being played the entire time and the fact that, this guy who I had been involved with for 8 months and began to gain feelings couldn’t give me the common courtesy of telling me that he no longer wanted to talk to me, really hurt. I feel like if you don’t want to talk to someone anymore, than let it be known.

There’s been plenty of times where I have completely ghosted guys who’ve wanted a relationship¬†with me.¬† They’ll be texting me and I just won’t reply back and they’ll consistently text me and I just won’t reply until they get the hint that hey maybe this girl no onger wants to talk to me.

The most recent story I have is there was this guy who I “talked” simply because I was bored and needed some entertainment. I knew that I would never let it get anywhere and once I realized that he started to like me, I ghosted him.¬† Basically over a span of a month, we probably talked consecutively for about 5 days and all together for about two weeks.¬† But the end came when he would text me and be like, “I got us!” Like my guy, we just started communicating, have never talked in person or talked on the phone, why are you this way? Simmer down young man.¬† We hadn’t talked in a couple of days and he text me, I think maybe wyd or what’s up¬† or something in that nature.¬† Basically, I ignored the text. I posted a story to my Instagram and was on twitter, tweeting.¬† That evening, he called me and as usual, my phone was on Do No Disturb mode, but I think he took it as I rejected his phone.¬† Immediately after he called me, he sent a text that said, “So You Ignoring Me Now?” I waited about an hour before I text back and said “No.” He text back and said, “So what’s the problem?” and before I could even read the text message, he immediately followed up with another text that said, “Don’t worry about. Just text me whenever you’re ready to talk.” And I never text him back after that. LOL.

Looking back on it, I should have just been upfront about it and told him that I did not want anything to come from it, because later on down the road he ended up texting me again and saying he wanted to pick back up where we left off, needless to say, we did not do that.¬† I think ghosting someone is childish when it’s done to me, because I rather you be upfront with me, instead of leading me on or leaving me with a bunch of why questions, but in the same breathe, I rather ghost someone because I like to avoid confrontation and think it’s easier to cease communication in hopes that someone with get the hint and if they don’t get the hint, the block button comes in handy quite often.

Have you ever ghosted someone? Has someone ghosted you? Tell me your story. Do you think it was worth it? How did you feel afterwards?

Artist Spotlight: H.E.R.

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Y’all.¬† The artist I want to spotlight this week is H.E.R.¬† If y’all have not listened to this album, Vol. 2, I suggest you immediately stop reading this blog post and go listen to it now!¬† I love H.E.R., her voice and her authenticity.¬† I have not heard Vol. 1 and am currently looking for it.¬† It’s probably on SoundCloud, but I haven’t downloaded it yet.¬† I remember before I started listening to her, I saw a tweet about how somebody finally found a picture of her and that she was beautiful and nobody understood why she doesn’t want anybody to see her or what she looked like.¬† I read somewhere that her secrecy to her identity was because of said reason: “The mystery is a metaphor for who I am, or who I was at the time of creating the project. I feel like oftentimes we don’t like to be as open to people about our emotions or things that we are going through.¬† At the time of recording, I was very closed off except for when I was writing or when I was in the studio.”¬† “I am a voice for women who feel like they’re alone in these situations.¬† This project came from an emotion, and that’s what I want it to be about – not what I look like or who I’m with, but the raw emotion and support for women.” “I feel like this is the era of the anti-star.¬† I really just wanted to be about the music, and get away from, ‘Who is she with?’ and ‘What is she wearing?'”

I think I just loved the fact that she doesn’t care about the fame and she is more so worried about her music and getting it out there for the people to listen to.¬† However, after some extensive research, I eventually found out her name and found her Instgram account outside of the H.E.R. account and she is absolutely GORGEOUS!

I was listening to the album and was trying to pick out a list of songs that I loved over the others, but I couldn’t.¬† ALL of the songs where just that bomb, although Every Kind of Way is probably my favorite! I am also a little sad that sis isn’t coming no where near me for a concert.¬† Well she’ll be in Atlanta and I could sneak down there to go. Lol.

What are your favorite songs from H.E.R.?

Artist Spotlight: Daniel Caesar

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So, I will be the first to admit.¬† I had no idea who the heck Daniel Caesar was until he performed with Chance the Rapper on The Late Show with Stephen Colbert.¬† Even then, I still didn’t immediately go listen to his music.¬† However HeyFranHey recently made a playlist called the Cool Breeze on Spotify which is dope btw, that led me to her Hidden Gems playlist.¬† The first song on the playlist is Daniel Caesar ft. Kali Uchis – Get You and I immediately fell in love with the song.¬† And again, I still didn’t immediately go listen to the rest of his music.¬† A couple of days later, I was listening to the Xavier Omar radio on Pandora and Daniel Caesar ft. Syd – Take Me Away and again, I fell in love with the song.¬† After this song, I was like okay, just maybe I need to listen to his album and LET ME TELL Y’ALL: I have been sleeping my mans.¬† On my drive to work this morning, I listened to the album Freudian and Daniel Caesar is IT.¬† Below are a couple of my favorite songs from the album:

  1. Get You
  2. Take Me Away
  3. Neu Roses
  4. We Find Love
  5. Blessed
  6. Freudian

What are your favorite songs from the album?

 

Grad School, Grad Assistant, & Resident Directing

As some of you may or may not know, I decided to pack up everything, leave California, and return to school at my alma mater, Western Kentucky University to receive my masters and let me tell you, it has not been the easiest transition…at all.¬† Originally I was in the Master of Arts in Student Affairs in Higher Education program, however I decided to change my program to Master of Arts in Organizational Leadership partly because I realized that I did not want to do presentations and partly because my new program is 100% online.¬† Also, before moving out here I accepted a job as a Resident Director and an assistantship as an Academic Advisor.¬† Let me tell y’all what my life has been like since moving back.

Every Wednesday morning, I wake up 5:30am, get dressed and head to Bowling Green to be on time for my assistantship that starts at 8:30am.¬† Sometimes, I’ll stay in Bowling Green at one of my line sisters house until Friday or I’ll unwillingly drive back to Owensboro (an hour and 10 minute drive, 45 minutes on a good day).¬† A lot of money is going towards gas, unfortunately.¬† Let’s back track to my job as a Resident Director… I absolutely HATE IT.¬† Housing and Residence Life was never an interest of mine when it came to Student Affairs.¬† I worked in HRL for 6 months as a Night Desk Clerk, but that was the extent of my interest and I only did it because it was a job and it paid.¬† As a Resident Director, I oversee 3 RAs and about 70 students.¬† I am tasked with having one on-call night a week and rotating weekends with 4 other Resident Directors.¬† Our training for this job was about 5 hours in one day.¬† Can you say UNPREPARED? Because that’s definitely how I felt afterwards and still do.¬† The job doesn’t sell me and isn’t interesting at all.¬† My boss, who is the Director of Residence Life and has been in Residence Life pretty much her entire professional career keeps trying to talk me into that realm of Student Affairs and I am not buying it.¬† The only good thing about this position is that I have free room and board.¬† Outside of that, honestly, truly that can keep this job.¬† I will 9 times out of 10, not return for this position next semester.

Okay, back to my assistantship.¬† I know this post is going to sound like a lot of complaining, however I can’t help but to complain.¬† I think I should’ve stayed in California and kept my job as a TA Coordinator, lol.¬† However, my assistantship it started out good and I actually love what I am doing: advising and mentoring students, BUT (because there is always a but in these types of situations) my boss…my boss.¬† She is the Academic Advising and Student Services Coordinator and LORD she is so stuck in her ways and I cannot stand people who are like that.¬† I always cannot stand people who like to micromanage.¬† So, as a grad assistant for her, we have two options: work from 8:30am-5:00pm and have a 30 minute lunch or work from 8:30am-4:30pm with no lunch, as I most certainly remember, this lady told us that, “I prefer you guys to work from 8:30am-5:00pm and have a 30 minute lunch and I also don’t mind if you take more than 30 minutes from time to time.”¬† I remember I left for lunch one day and she had the nerve to text me and ask me where I was.¬† BITCH, I am eating lunch.¬† Our location is on South Campus which is a good 5 minute drive from Main Campus.¬† I told her I was on Main Campus getting lunch and would be headed back to South Campus as soon as I got my food.¬† She text back, “Okay,” so of course I thought I was good.¬† I get back and she had a whole lot to say.¬† When you leave for lunch let me know, typically we don’t take lunch in this office, if you’re going to go to main campus, I’m going to have to actually count that as a lunch, blah blah blah.¬† Man, when I tell you, I was so perplexed and ready to walk out this office and go back out into corporate america, because for one, I can take my lunch whenever I want too without having to report to someone and telling them that I was leaving for lunch and dammit if I wanted to take a 1.5 hour lunch, than I could without someone breathing down my neck.¬† Anywho, that’s not the only reason why I don’t like working for her and again I see myself not doing this assistantship next semester.

So, we’re past both of my jobs, let’s get into grad school.

Ice Cream Party

So, I’ve never been a reader, like ever.¬† The only developmental college course that I needed was for reading.¬† I took the ACT about 5 times and I just could never get that reading score up higher than a 19.¬† With that being said, graduate school is alllllllll about reading and critiquing.¬† For one of my classes, I recently had to read 6 different articles.¬† I had to reach at least 3 of them twice because I just hate reading and my attention span was all over the place reading them.¬† I have an entire chapter from one book that I have to read and then an entire book that I have to read and give my reaction/critique on the book.¬† When I tell y’all that I am not looking forward to doing any of this reading, I am not looking forward to doing any of this reading.¬† My other course is a bi-term and doesn’t start until October, however looking a the syllabus, it looks like I’ll be having to do a lot of reading for that course.¬† I personally am just glad that I can somewhat finesse my graduate program like I did in undergrad.¬† Graduate school isn’t all that bad, but sometimes I just want to drop out of graduate school and find me an old white rich man to take care of me for the rest of my life.¬† But my odds of graduating with my masters over finding an old white rich man to take care of me is higher.

The past couple of months haven’t been too bad though.¬† In August, my father had a retirement roast that was pretty fun.¬† I got to see a lot of folks that hadn’t seen me since I was about 15.

The following weekend, my beautiful 7 got married to her boyfriend that she had been with for forever!

The next weekend, my neos hosted the annual Yard Show and it was my little sisters birthday, so we ventured off to Nashville where I met two guys: one who is a grad student at TSU studying engineering and the other who took my phone, took a picture of us and said we look like Jay-Z and Beyonce. Boooyyyy, if you don’t getcho…

Fast forward to last weekend, where I had absouletly nothing to do so I chopped all of my hair off, bought up the entire mall and decided that I needed to get back into the gym because my fat ass is getting well, ya know….fat.

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Currently, I am looking for TA Coordinator and/or TA Specialist jobs in Memphis, TN.¬† I’m looking to move back home and continue to gain experience in Talent Acquisition, that way when I move back to California in two years, I can apply and get jobs as a TA Operations Manager or Sr. TA Specialist, just something that’s going to make me more money than what I was making before I moved from LA.¬† I’ve also been looking the Bowling Green, however I prefer to move back home, free rent, food, everything…. lol.

How’s life for you guys?

xoxo

Jas ‚̧

I Broke My Celibacy – Where Do I Go From Here?

About two months ago, I wrote a blog post titled, “Finding Happiness in Celibacy” that you can find here. ¬†At the time, I hadn’t had sex in 11 months. ¬†I happened to make it to month 12, however I let the temptation of the devil get the best of me and I broke my celibacy. ¬†During and afterwards, I was extremely disappointed with myself yet confused at the same time. ¬†I didn’t understand if I were celibate because I didn’t have anyone currently in my life nor did I have any prospects while living in California or if I were celibate because I legitimately wanted to be celibate to strengthen my relationship with myself.

Clutch Magazine reader, Pseudonym, said “everyone is claiming to be celibate until they have sex next time they get a boyfriend. ¬†That is NOT celibacy. ¬†That’s called not having sex with randoms. ¬†There’s a HUGE difference.” And I personally feel like that was sort of my mindset. ¬†I didn’t want to be in California having sex with a bunch of random guys, however if a guy did come into my life, than yes, I probably would have had sex with him. ¬†Looking back on the past year, I realized that I wasn’t celibate, I was just not having sex until like Pseudonym said, I got a boyfriend.

Another Clutch Magazine reader mentioned that she was celibate for almost 2 years, not because of a religious reason, but because she felt like her relationships with men were poor because of it. ¬†There’s no secret that my relationships with men are extremely poor. I thought if I made them wait, they’d be more prone to stick around and have more respect for me, but after doing that with a couple of guys to only be played, I said to hell with it and started having sex with guys whenever I felt I wanted too, whether it’d be a week, a couple of days, or a month after knowing them. ¬†BUT none of those relationships lasted, so I thought, maybe I should be celibate and test a guy out to see if he’s even worth getting my most prized possession than the relationship would work, however I am realizing now that I have to work on my relationship with myself first before I try to work on a relationship with another guy.

Since breaking my celibacy, I haven’t had sex since than and I am constantly thinking about my actions, why I did them, and where do I go from there. ¬†Jessica White, who revealed her celibacy to Page Six Magazine mentioned that, “Celibacy is a choice that every woman has to make for herself. ¬†[…] I’ve made a lot of bad decisions, but God led me to such a beautiful place when I turned 27 [in June 2011] – it was a pivotal moment. ¬†I started feeling more beautiful. ¬†I felt like I’d never been so happy. ¬†The light bulb turned on for me. ¬†This is the new journey. ¬†I feel like I’m starting over.” ¬†I’ve made a lot of bad decisions in my past and I do believe that God is leading me to a beautiful place. I need to work on me first before I work think about sex and a man.

1 Corinthians 7:7-9 says ‘I wish that all men were as I am. ¬†But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. ¬†Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. ¬†But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.” Basically Paul wants all men to be single, like him, but understands that not everyone can control themselves. ¬†But in verse 9, God says, “control yourself sexually or get married. ¬†Sex outside marriage to “let off pressure,” “just for pleasure” or even as a ¬†“trial marriage” is outside the will of God and is therefore a sin.”

The new journey I have decided to take of is going to be difficult, I know, how I am looking forward to striving to become the faithful servant God has intended me to be!

xoxo

Jas ‚̧

 

 

 

Podcasts To Listen Too

So, I live an hour away from where I go to school at. Normally, I’d listen to my podcast that I’ve created, but recently I found out about Insecuritea podcast and from there, I started finding other podcast and now I am a podcast freak and I listen to them all on my rides to and from school everyday. ¬†Here are a list of the podcast that I listen too, that you should listen to as well:

  1. Insecuritea – a podcast where Crissle and heyfranhey recap the previous episode of Insecure
  2. The Friend Zone – Dustin Ross, HeyFranHey, and Assante explore mental health, mental wealth and mental hygiene
  3. The Read – a podcast where bloggers Kid Fury and Crissle for their weekly “read” of hip-hop and pop culture’s most trying stars
  4. Therapy for Black Girls – a weekly chat about all things mental health, personal development, and all the small decisions we can make to become the best possible versions of ourselves
  5. hey, girl. – a podcast that unites the voices of phenomenal women created with sisterhood and storytelling in mind by author Alex Elle
  6. QUEENS TALK – a podcast where Keaira laShae and Brian k have transformational conversations that help guide you in relationships, life, love, health and fitness and HOW TO BE A QUEEN
  7. The Generation Why Podcast – Unsolved murders, controversies, mysteries, conspiracies and true crimes
  8. She Didn’t Text Back – a podcast that showcases Daren VonGirdner and William Haynes discussing everything from relationship issues to Instagram baddies
  9. Another Round – Heben Nigatu and Tracy Clayton cover everything from race, gender and pop culture to squirrels, mangoes, and bad jokes
  10. Black Girl Podcast – a new audio series created by Scottie Beam, Gia Peppers, Sapphira, Bex, and Alysha P where they talk about life issues, sisterhood, pop culture, love, growth and the pursuit of their dreams to the public

xoxo

Jas ‚̧